The Book of Olivia
by Daddy's Girl 1999
Summary: My name is Olivia Angelica Victoria Cragen. When I was growing up, my life was not all that easy. My egg donor(I refuse to call her mom) was an alcoholic. I was the product of a rape(or so she repeatedly reminded me of while I was growing up). Little did I know that this was one of the many lies she spoon fed me...
1. Almost A Concrete Angel

My name is Olivia Angelica Victoria Cragen. When I was growing up, my life was not all that easy. My egg donor(I refuse to call her mom) was an alcoholic. I was the product of a rape(or so she repeatedly reminded me of while I was growing up). Little did I know that this was one of the many lies she spoon fed me. She was physically, mentally, and sexually abusive, during my entire childhood. It was my sixteenth birthday(there was nothing sweet about that day). Her and her latest husband raped me and beat me into unconsciousness.

They dumped my unconscious body at Mariano Park on North State Street in Chicago, Illinois(we were living there).

A cop named Sergeant Hank Voight was walking through the park with his sixteen year old foster daughter when they came across me. I do not remember what happened next, but Sergeant Voight later told me that he picked me up and sat in the passenger seat of his patrol car(he was there during his break) while Erin(his foster daughter) drove to the hospital, lights flashing and sirens wailing. I woke up as the doctors were starting their exam. I was released into Hank's custody and came to live with him.

Hank later told me that I reminded him of an old friend of his, Donald Cragen. He remembered that friend had a daughter who was abducted by her mother when she was a baby. He asked me if I would take a DNA test, and I agreed with him. I know that surprises you all, but I was of the mindset that my biological father was a rapist. I only agreed to that test so I could prove him wrong. Little did I know, but he would end up proving me wrong. He called his friend, who I would later learn was a New York Police Department Lieutenant by the name of Donald Cragen.

A few days later, Donald Cragen arrived in Chicago, and I met my father for the first time. I was very scared of him at first, afraid that he would hurt me like everyone else has, but I could not have been more wrong. I stayed with Hank for awhile, and he rented an apartment in Chicago.

 _ **Flashback:**_

"Olivia hon, Don's here." I sling my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed my duffel bag. "I'm coming Hank," I yelled as I descended the stairs. I smiled shyly at Don before walking up to Hank and hugging him goodbye. We got into Don's car, and he starts driving me to school. As soon as we arrive at school, he walks me inside and to my locker. After I get the necessary books, he walks me to the door of my first period classroom. I looked at him for a fleeting moment before entering the classroom, setting my books on my desk. I then walk back to the door and wrap my arms around his waist, giving him a hug.

"Have a great day honey. I will be here after school. I love you," he said as he kissed my forehead. For the first time ever, I did not feel my heart clench up in terror. I did not want to run from him. Instead, I murmured, "I love you too," before reluctantly retreating from the embrace and walking into class.

 _ **End of Flashback:**_

After that moment, we got closer. When he came to pick me up that day, I went on vacation with him for two weeks(it was winter break). That was among the best two weeks of my life. We flew to New York, and I got to meet the detectives under his command. He had them all over for a Christmas Eve dinner, and we spent the next day alone together. He showed me my room, and I got to open the gifts he bought me over the years. Each gift got more appropriate for the age I was when he bought them. I also got to open the gifts he bought me for Christmas this year. I was floored. Eventually, the time came for me to return to Chicago. He had to stay because he was finally returning to work. Before I boarded the plane at John F. Kennedy International Airport, he gave me a courtesy shield, wrapped me in a hug, and kissed my forehead. "I have never stopped loving you, and I never will. Stay strong angel. You got this," he said before kissing my head again and reluctantly releasing me from his embrace.

I graduated that school year(I had enough credits to graduate early), and a bulk of the New York Police Department and Chicago Police Department turned out. Hank and I grew especially close, and he remains my god-father to this day. I eventually went to Harvard on a full-ride scholarship, dual majoring in criminal justice and law. I graduated as valedictorian with doctorate degrees in both fields two years early. Much like at my high school graduation, Chicago Police Department and New York Police Department turned out.

Erin, who later adopted Hank's surname after finding out he was her biological father, attended Harvard with me. She also majored in criminal justice and law, graduating as the salutatorian to my valedictorian. We both went on to pass the bar in New York and Chicago while also attending the New York Police Department Academy in Flushing, New York. One might say that we are as close as sisters, and we would agree. We eventually went our separate ways after graduating from the Academy. I became a NYPD detective and now work under my father's command in Manhattan Special Victims Unit. Erin became a Chicago PD detective and now works under her father's command in Chicago's Intelligence Unit.

I am going to close this entry with a note.

To all people currently in an abusive situation, you are not alone. Nothing is your fault. There is a song I really like by Martina McBride called Concrete Angel. The chorus reads, "Through the wind and the rain, she stands hard as a stone in her world that she can rise above, but her dreams give her wings, and she flies to a place where she's loved. Concrete angel." You don't deserve to become a concrete angel. No matter what your abuser says, you do not deserve anything that they are doing to you. You are your own uniquely beautiful person, and nobody can take that away from you.

Until Next Time,

Olivia Angelica Victoria Cragen


	2. The Years That Count

_**The Book of Olivia**_

 _ **Chapter Two**_

 _ **The Years That Count**_

 _ **Age 16:**_

Sixteen year old Olivia Benson woke up with a start, tears pouring down her face as she screamed. Nightmares had been plaguing her for what seemed like forever. Suddenly, she felt arms surround her. "No, no. let me go," she screamed, fighting off whoever was holding her. She gave up after a long while, sagging against whoever was embracing her in a heap of exhaustion.

Suddenly, Hank's gruff voice reached through the haze her mind was in, and she realized he was the one holding her. She curled up closer to him, keying in on what he was saying to her.

"Liv, honey, hey it's okay. Calm down. It's just me Hank. It is all okay girl. You are safe now. Nobody can hurt you. You're at my house." He repeated those words until she curled up closer to him, placing her head on his chest. "Go to sleep Olivia. I am not going anywhere." She finally fell into a fitful sleep, secure in Hank's warm embrace.

 _ **Age 17:**_

Olivia was overjoyed. Her dad asked her if she would accompany him to the Annual Policeman's Ball, the date being one year to the day after they were reunited. Of course she had said yes.

"And the annual Commander of the year award goes to Captain Donald Cragen of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. From my understanding, his daughter Olivia, would like to speak before she hands him the award."

"Yes sir," Olivia said, blushing slightly as she shook Mayor Karpinski's hand and took the microphone from him. "Hello everybody, I am Olivia. I met Captain Cragen, my dad, one year ago today. I was abducted when I was six months old. As a result of this, I never got to grow up with him in my life. He is a compassionate and dedicated precinct commander, but he is an even better father. The past year with him in my life has been the best year of my life, and I would not trade it for the world. Dad, would you please come to the stage?"

Captain Donald Cragen's eyes shined with tears as he went up to the stage, tenderly kissing Olivia's head before accepting the award from her. He nodded to the DJ before silently asked the Mayor to take his award back to the table where he was sitting, and Mayor Karpinski happily obliged.

"Our Commander of the Year has a special song that he wants to dedicate to his beautiful daughter Olivia," the DJ announced as he led Olivia to the dance floor. Olivia immediately perched her head on his chest, her ear resting above his heart as Bruce Springsteen filled the room. He whispered the lyrics to Olivia as they slowly danced.

When you need me call my name 'cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same. If you want me come sunny skies or rain, when you need me just call my name. If you miss me, I'll be there to brush the sunlight from your hair. I'll be there to guide you when trouble walks beside you. If you need me I'll be there, and when this dirty world has been cold to you, I got two strong arms waitin' to hold you. And when those mean days come along, we'll stand together and we'll take 'em on, so if you need me just call my name. When you need me call my name 'cause without you my life just isn't the same. 'Cause when this world kicked me around, baby you picked me up off the ground. So if you need me I'll be there."

Tears, these ones of joy poured down her face as she smiled up at her father, adoration gleaming in her chocolate brown eyes. "I love you Olivia baby, and I always will. Will you do me the honour of officially becoming a Cragen?"

"President Abraham Lincoln once said, "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Thanks for giving me life the moment you and Serena made me and again one year ago today. Yes, I will officially become a Cragen."


	3. Never Doubt My Love For You

"Baby Girl, apparently you were quite a looker back in the day," Finn said, looking straight at me. I level an innocent gaze in his direction before helplessly looking towards my dad's office. My dad pokes his head out, giving Finn his signature death glare. "That is my daughter you are talking about. Best be careful Detective." He then winks at me before re entering his office.

"You really are a dumbass aren't you? You pissed off the wrong person. That wasn't Captain Cragen. That was Papa Bear Cragen," Munch said, and I laughed as we all simultaneously told him to shut up. The days have been getting harder and harder, but I still forge through with a smile on my face. It's all I can do. He made it very clear that if I told anybody, she would kill my dad.

"Livvy, my office," dad says, again poking his head out, and I get up, compliantly entering his office, closing the door behind me. "Sweetheart, something is wrong," he says wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. "Daddy, you are scaring me. What's wrong?"

"I want you to never doubt how much I love you. I...baby, Serena's been released." My heart drops, and I start shaking as tears pour down my face. "Daddy, please don't let them hurt you."

"Angel, sweet angel, what are you talking about?" I start crying harder as I hear my nickname. "Okay sweetheart, okay I am right here. Hey baby, I am alive. Alive and well young one," he says, leading me to the office couch before sitting down. He pulls me into his lap, and I curl up closer, my body heaving with sobs. "I love you my sweet Olivia. My sweet little girl. My sweet angel baby. My sweet baby girl. I am very much alive. I am going to always be here for you. Shh, calm down young one. My sweet baby."

I calm down after awhile, but my body still quakes as I curl up closer. "I love you honey. Never forget that. Whenever you are ready to talk, I will be right here ready for you." That is the icing on the cake, and I calm down, grasping my dad's shirt tightly. "He called me, said that if I say anything, he will kill you."

"Honey, we will get through this together. I will keep you safe and stay safe myself so I can always be here for you. Never doubt my love for you."


End file.
